The Peculiar Dream Journal Of William Klaskovsky
by Akumokagetsu
Summary: It's been two whole years since Discord first adopted a human child, leaving him in the care of Rainbow Dash. William finds that he is suffering from recurring nightmares, and Luna herself steps in to discover why. Perhaps William could focus a little more clearly if he weren't trying to handle seduction via draconequus. Sequel to The Peculiar Journal of William Klaskovsky.
1. Peculiar Prologue

0-0-0-0-0

Enormous, clockwork golems lumbered over the treetops, the stamping of their enormous steel boots cascading through the earth with an intense strength.

The grinding of their plated gears growled as the towering behemoths trampled everything in their path with their monotone synonymous march. They glinted in the light of a grey sun, and nearly outnumbered the same trees that they ground beneath their heels; and should they continue to do so, they would before long.

Thick, roiling bursts of toxic black smog belched forth from them at every orifice, clouding the sky and spiraling down to the earth when there was no more room in the air. The sun was blotted out as gigantic, clawing ebony fingers splattered from the sky, drenching everything beneath it in a steaming noxious brew.

He could no longer tell if the high pitched whistle was emanating from before him, or if it was the sound of his own screaming. William gazed on in horror at the impending menace, the shadow of the colossal mechanical army looming over him as he gazed back at himself through enormous, crimson glass eyes…

0-0-0-0-0

The twelve year old William Klaskovsky awoke with a start, the sleep obviously still blurring his eyes. He cracked open his eyelids, the vision of enormous red irises still burned into his memory.

At least, until the realization finally hit him that he really was looking into a pair of large, misshapen red irises.

"Nah, Dad was wrong; you really are kind of cute."

William shrieked in a pitch much higher than he would have preferred, toppling out of bed unceremoniously and into the floor as he tried to scramble away in terror.

The cackling draconequus hanging from the ceiling by the tip of her tail gave him an upside down, lopsided smile, revealing a row of shining white teeth. Her features were much sharper than that of the only other draconequus William had ever known; more elongated, refined. Younger. To be frank, she looked roughly similar to what William could expect a teenage female Discord would look like.

The fact that Discord was his adoptive father made that slightly awkward.

She dangled from the ceiling for a moment, neither of them speaking as she slowly swung back and forth, staring at him.

"… Well?" she asked eventually. "Not even gonna say 'hello', cutie pie?" she asked in a chipper tone, the sunlight filtering in through the window behind her and giving the draconequus an oddly surreal appearance.

"Hello, cutie pie," William blurted, significantly stunned by the surprise wakeup call. He flushed brightly when she giggled, and dropped lithely from the ceiling to land with a single talon on his bedpost and using it as a springboard. She launched herself with a summersault and landed easily on the floor as casually as she would wave an arm.

The draconequus bowed slightly before the flabbergasted William, who was still struggling to make sense of the situation.

"The name's Eris!" she beamed at him, extending a single paw in his direction. After a moment, he took it silently in his hand and shook it, uncertain of how to proceed. "You must be Willy!"

"Let me guess," William narrowed his eyes promptly. "_Discord_."

"Whaaaat?" Eris pulled her head back and laughed. "No, _Willy_. Can't you even get your own name right?"

"Stop _calling _me that!" William demanded, straining to get to his feet without taking his eye off of the intruder. Her every single movement just seemed too… close to his personal space.

"Aw, how come?" Eris asked dejectedly, pouting. "I _love _Willies."

"_Mother_!" William said as an uncomfortable heat began rising in his cheeks. "It would appear that the denizens of Hell have broken loose!"

0-0-0-0-0

Discord tapped his talons together quietly as he sat across from Rainbow Dash, William's adoptive mother. And if that weren't already odd enough, the feminine draconequus that sat across from William at the kitchen table was completely preoccupied making funny faces at him.

It vaguely occurred to him that he was the only one in the entire household that didn't have red eyes, as his were the same almond brown as his hair; although technically Rainbow Dash's were more magenta than anything else.

"So…" Discord cleared his throat awkwardly, drumming the tips of his talons across the untouched cup of coffee as the fuming pegasus glared daggers at him. "… I hear Twilight Sparkle is a princess now, or something."

"Two years, Discord."

"Rocking the whole 'wings and tiara' set –"

"Two. _Years_!" Rainbow Dash fumed quietly, the clearly uncomfortable draconequus tapping his talons together as the pegasus seethed. "For _two _years, I had to raise a colt while you were off on your own, Discord!"

"I was _busy_!" he shrugged hopelessly, a pathetic grin on his face. "Important things –_ god tier_ level things."

William forced his attention straightforward at the quietly giggling Eris, who was silently tickling his kneecap underneath the table with the tip of her tail in an attempt to provoke some kind of response.

His only reply was a bland deadpan.

"Oh, so important that you couldn't even stop by now and then to say _hello?!" _Dash slammed her hoof against the table angrily.

Discord held up his paw and talon defensively, and said "Yes, that busy. With really, _really _important stuff!"

"Like?"

"Well," Discord began uncomfortably. "It all started off easy enough. But then, there I was, running for my life from this giant boulder in a temple of doom…!"

"Bu~llshit," Eris held up a single talon, mimicking William's deadpan and trying desperately not to laugh. "I was there for that. We broke into some guy Lucas's house and stole his car keys."

_"Ix-nay on the erari-fay!" _Discord hissed in panic through his teeth, seeing Rainbow Dash's clearly unamused expression.

"I want an explanation, Discord," Dash said quietly in a voice that could have made an ice cube shiver. "And I'm going to give you ten seconds to do it, and I'm going to kick your ass so hard you'll taste _hoof _in your mouth for a _year_."

"Don't you mean 'or'?"

"_No."_

Discord was completely silent for a moment, before leaning over the table and kissing the startled mare dead on the lips. He broke away after a moment with a rushed _"I need you to look after Eris for me Willy be nice to your new sister 'kay thanks bye!"_

And no sooner had he finished speaking that he promptly exploded into a massive eruption of confetti and rubber ducks.

The quacking chunks of rubber intermingled with glittering confetti raining down from above left them all sitting in shocked silence for a long moment.

At least, until it was interrupted by the _bloodcurdling _scream of frustration from Rainbow Dash.

0-0-0-0-0


	2. Hey Soul Sister

0-0-0-0-0

William sat quietly on the sofa, watching the pegasus march back and forth furiously from wall to wall. Rainbow Dash muttered violently under her breath the entire while, occasionally glaring up at Eris at random intervals. The draconequus, however, seemed completely unperturbed, and was preoccupied with idly clicking her talons together and making multicolored sparks leap from tip to tip.

"Can't believe – of the time – _for Celestia's sake_ – the _nerve_!" William could barely hear her, and it was clear that she was having difficulty forcing down her outrage, along with a couple of choice curse words.

"May I… go?" William finally asked, a little put off by the mare's frustration. It was rare that he had even seen her all that angry, let alone turning red from the sheer rage.

"Stay put," Dash snapped a hoof in his direction, not pausing in her frantic pacing. He could have sworn that a whiplash sound went off the moment that she did so, and he had to refrain from jumping at her lightning speed. "Mangle – gonna mangle your father!" she quickly resumed pacing, adding quite a few violent threats to her angry mumbling.

"… Well, I'm bored," Eris spouted dryly, using her tail to make a mustache over William's lip. He swiped it away distractedly, clenching his hands tightly together as he watched the pegasus pace with an intense stare. "Knew I should have brought that Parcheesi board. Have you ever played Parcheesi with actual cheese? It's awesome. I don't even know how to play Parcheesi. I just really like the name._ Pah-reh-chee-zee._ Come on, Willy, say it with me."

"Do you simply enjoy the sound of your own voice?" William furrowed his brows in annoyance, leveling a glare at the disinterested draconequus. He had to look up at her, even though she was slouching beside him.

"What?" she shrugged, cocking an eyebrow. "Just trying to make friendly conversation. You sound as if you hate fun."

"You sound as if you like it too much."

"_You_ sound as if you have a stick up your ass."

"You sound as if you have severe attention deficit hyper disorder."

0-0-0-0-0

"You have got to be bucking kidding me."

"I know," Rainbow Dash quietly explained to the stunned mare. Pinkie Pie merely looked back and forth between the lazily reclining draconequus in the living room and the pegasus in the hall before her, as if unable to completely comprehend it. "Believe me, Pinks, I know."

"No warning, or anything?" she asked under her breath, leaving her collected groceries and goods for the following day's festivities in the hallway and stealing another glance at Eris. "I mean – oh, jeez, Dashie. What now?"

'What now' was a perfectly valid question, and Dash only fretted further because of it. She ran a hoof through her multihued mane in distress, and leaned tiredly against Pinkie's shoulder.

"I mean, we can't just throw her out," Dash muttered.

"So-so you want the daughter of chaos itself to stay here."

"Of course I don't want her to stay," Rainbow Dash shot back in a hushed tone. "I don't even know the mare – I don't think I can even call her a mare!"

Pinkie slowly tilted her head, thinking. Dash shook her head slowly, and whispered "I'm sorry, Pinkie Pie, I'm just really worked up. Discord is just-just…!" she mimed strangling the air before her, and Pinkie nodded understandingly before patting her on the shoulder.

"Come on, sugar bun. Perk up, eh?" she grinned good naturedly. "Everything is going to be fine, I Pinkie Promise. Let's just go work this out, it'll be fun. _Chillax_, baby. I brought pumpkin cake."

"Who brought pumpkin cake?"

Dash and Pinkie both leapt at the sound of Eris's gleeful voice from the ceiling above them, who sat relaxed in a spot where gravity seemed to have reversed itself just for her.

_"Dammit, Eris!"_

0-0-0-0-0

To William, Eris seemed both thoroughly surprised and a little put off by Pinkie Pie's overeager attitude. Her ears occasionally flattened against her head at random intervals, and only when Pinkie spoke. Sometimes they perked straight up, other times whirling around like radial antennae. It was then that William realized that they were picking up speed, and slapping against her head every time Pinkie pronounced a vowel.

A short, muffled choking sound was heard through a mouthful of pumpkin cake, and Pinkie Pie patted the boy roughly on the back.

"Okay there, Will?" she asked him with a hint of concern, and William was a little glad to know that she hadn't actually realized just how difficult it had been for him to force down the bizarre spasm of laughter. William was not known for intermittent or spontaneous bursts of laughter.

Ever.

"F-fine," he coughed finally, wiping his face with a napkin and forcing himself to avert his eyes from the mysteriously hilarious ear-wiggles. William silently berated himself for his childishness, his steely and blank face returning. "I apologize. I failed to pay attention."

"What, do I seriously need to start all over?" the draconequus grinned at him, her knowing smirk making his own ears burn. "Which part did you lose track at, tiny? The hellish rollercoaster through Zombie Forest, or the part where Dad and me hijacked a helicopter?"

"His name is William," Rainbow Dash corrected her unexpectedly sternly, a deep frown set on her face. "And he's not tiny. It's not his fault he's not a proper stallion."

"Dashie!" Pinkie Pie cringed at the boy's stare.

"What?" Dash scowled, crossing her hooves across her chest and slumping forward at the wooden table grumpily. "He's just – you know… proportionate. Or something."

Pinkie Pie slid a hoof slowly down her face, her barely concealed groan muffled behind a sigh.

"Let's not get into this again," Pinkie held up a hoof in pleading submission. She turned to Eris with a wry half-smile, and said "Dash just gets a little… _overprotective_, at-at times. Sometimes, not very, er… _articulately_."

"Yeesh, you make me sound like some grunting cockatrice," Dash rolled her eyes, but a sheepishly apologetic look started crawling onto her face.

"And you two," Eris pointed at the two with her fork, her mouth full of pumpkin cake. "You two sound like an old married couple. Huh. _Just_ like an old married c-"

If anything, William's expression failed to remain 'expressionless' and began gradually twitching into 'highly amused'.

"… Oh, Jesus."

William blinked, the gears turning. He hadn't expected something like that out of the draconequus's mouth, and would have said something if he weren't enjoying her stunned gawking so much.

Besides. She called him tiny.

"Ah," Pinkie nodded sagely. "Eeyup. Me and Dashie here are Will's moms."

"Mom-_zzzzzzzzz_?" Eris swallowed slowly, looking back and forth between Pinkie and the pegasus. "You know, as-as in –" she held up her paw and talon, folding them into mimic faces and making crude slurping noises as she mashed them together. " – Moms as in plural? Moms as in _that _kind of moms? How come Dad didn't _tell _me?"

"Well," Rainbow Dash frowned, shifting her hooves off the table as Pinkie Pie calmly helped herself to another slice of pumpkin cake. "I guess we're in the same boat. Seems like Discord keeps all the important information to himself,_ the lazy bastard,_" she added under her breath. "Besides, what did you think was going on?" Dash cocked an eyebrow.

"I dunno. I just kinda figured you guys were fuck buddies or something."

Pinkie Pie choked on her cake.

"Just for the record," Eris jabbed a talon at Rainbow Dash in hostility. "I am not calling you 'Mommy'."

"Never asked you to," Dash shot back just as haughtily. "Maybe Discord should have thought about leaving you with your own mother instead of dumping you off on me."

"My mother is dead."

It was silent in the kitchen for a long, long moment. It must have been only a short period, but to William, it felt as if it stretched on for eternity.

"… Well!" Pinkie Pie clapped her hooves together with a forced smile. "Lunch break is over, why don't you munchkins go play outside and get used to each other?" she turned a little desperately to William, who only nodded understandingly.

"Thank you for the dessert, Pinkie." He folded his napkin neatly over his plate, pulling away from the table. "Miss… Eris. If you would so kindly follow me, I believe that it is my current duty to perform proper 'neighborhood introductions'."

"Oh, joy," the draconequus slid out of her chair without a hint of sarcasm and after William as he quietly slipped out the door. "Zombies, adopted humans, grand theft auto, imploding rhinos, universal mysteries, lesbians and sucking up to four-legged neighbors. This day just keeps getting better!"

0-0-0-0-0

"You have got to be _bucking _kidding me," Scootaloo stared at the slightly hunched draconequus, who reclined on a cushion of air in the center of their clubhouse. William could hardly believe that it had already been two whole years since he had first seen the interior of that ludicrously brightly painted little clubhouse, or how he had initially looked at it in such disdain. Sometimes, he felt more at home with his friends in their 'headquarters' than he did anywhere else. It was like a sanctuary, and that Eris had been allowed in made it seem… slightly less significant, somehow. As if she were invading, coming to take his friends away.

William struggled to shake off the odd feeling.

"Your sister?" Sweetie Belle asked, tramping in circles gleefully around Eris. "Why didn't you ever tell us, Will?"

"I only just found out," William sat cross legged against one of the wooden walls. "And she's only my adopted sister."

"Pfft," Eris rolled her mismatched eyes, twirling around on her stomach and propping her chin in her hands. "Only. I hate that word, it makes everything sound like it's worth less than it really is. Only Eris, only a rocket ship, only highly combustible things that I'm not supposed to play with. I'm allergic to 'only'."

"I like 'er," Applebloom grinned, trying (and failing) not to look too much like she was staring at Eris's oddly shifting body. "She kinda reminds me of one of them springing toys in a box."

"Seriously?" Eris snorted, grasping her own tail and winding it as she would a jack-in-the-box. Applebloom watched in surprise as even the memorable toy's sound began erupting loudly from her tail as she wound herself down, cramping down smaller and smaller until she was nearly the same height as Applebloom herself.

"… Uh…" Sweetie gaped, uncertain of what to make of the situation.

"Quick!" Eris squeaked in a high pitched voice that reminded William of a gerbil on helium as she stuck out a talon. "Pull my finger!"

Sweetie Belle looked to the farm pony, who only shook her head.

"Nope, I ain't doin' it."

Scootaloo snickered and rolled her eyes, and reached out with two hooves to tug on the draconequus's talon. She pulled carefully, ready to jump when Eris would undoubtedly make a loud noise and expand, just as a jack-in-the-box would.

However, Eris did no such thing.

A stinging, raunchy smell filled the air bare moments after a loud raspberry made the windows rattle, and Eris collapsed to the floor, clutching her sides in hysterics.

"Aw, _dude_!" Scootaloo held her nose, slightly jealous that the unamused boy at least had the cloth of his shirt to cover his nose, even though it was obvious that he was trying to look completely unperturbed. "What the crap, do that outside!"

"What did you _think _would happen if I said 'pull my finger?' Doi?" Eris cackled madly, extending back into the air and balancing on the tip of her tail. "That has got to be one of the oldest and _lamest _things in the book, and you dorks are _surprised_?"

"Hey!" Scootaloo glowered, waving a hoof over her nose. "At least we don't need diapers!"

_"Christ almighty,_" Eris clicked her talons, all the windows flying upward with loud bangs and clacks. "Willy, your friends need to learn how to chill out."

"My name is _William_," he deadpanned. He started to go on, but changed the subject, as it looked as if something where nagging at him. "Miss Eris-"

"Oh, please," she snickered, poking the boy on the nose. "Call me Leonard."

William actually stuttered, struggling to speak through his confusion.

"Sorry, what?" he blinked again. "Is your name not Eris?"

The draconequus slapped a paw against her forehead, and groaned loudly.

"For god's sake, tiny. It's not a joke if I have to explain the joke!"

"_That_," William pointed at her, almost desperate not to get sidetracked once again. "Why do you keep doing that?"

"Because I like dick jokes?" Eris blinked in return. "Why else would I call you tiny?"

William turned a vibrantly glowing shade of red, and glowered at her. Applebloom only laughed and even Sweetie Belle had difficulty hiding a titter, but Scootaloo looked away altogether.

"That's not what I meant!" he demanded, the burning in his cheeks growing unbearable. "I meant, why do you keep using phrases and words clearly not native to Equestria?"

"… You know," Eris finally settled on the ground across from him, leaning against the wall. However, so great was her length in comparison to the clubhouse that her tail simply stretched across and poked him in the nose again. "Dad said you were supposed to be really smart. Figure it out."

He huffed mightily through his nostrils, and pinched his temples in annoyance.

"Miss Eris," William seethed quietly. "I merely wished to know whether or not you were natively Equestrian, in an attempt to make friendly banter and enforce a potentially more substantial and welcoming atmosphere."

"What?" Eris jerked her head back up at him, after Applebloom was whispering something to her. "Sorry, I wasn't paying attention. I'm just gonna pretend you said 'puppies' and call it a day."

She stared at him, and then burst out laughing hysterically once more.

"Pffft – puppies! _Ha_!"

0-0-0-0-0

Eris stifled a yawn as Rainbow Dash passed the draconequus a small stack of blankets, each one embroidered with brightly colored pastries.

"When precisely will it be finished?" William asked awkwardly, and Rainbow Dash rubbed the sleep from her eyes.

"AJ said her brother had most of the bed frame finished," the pegasus nodded to the boy, who sat on a small pallet on his bedroom floor while Eris bounced energetically on his bed. "I'm not really surprised Big Macintosh hurt himself, with as fast as he was trying to get it done. It's just for one night, Squirt."

"It's not necessarily the bed itself that I'm disconcerted about," William eyed the overexcited draconequus warily as she spun like a top, twirling blankets in a whirlwind around her.

"Just get some shut eye," Dash glared at Eris, who promptly ceased her activities and stood at attention on the bedpost, ending in a stiff salute. "We've got to be up early in the morning. Summer Sun Celebration, and all that."

"The what now?" Eris asked in mild interest. "Is there a party, or somethin'?"

"The Summer Sun Celebration is an annual festive gathering of all pony races," William recited swiftly. "Generally it's held at dusk, with –"

"Easy, Squirt," Dash grinned tiredly at him as Pinkie Pie snuck up behind her and gradually slung a hoof over her shoulder. "If she hasn't seen it yet, you wouldn't want to go ruining the _surprise_, would you?"

"I suppose not," William settled in quietly, staring up at the ceiling as the pegasus shut off the lights.

"_Squirt_?" Eris peered over the edge of the bed down at him with a raised brow. "Wouldn't happen to be related to 'tiny', would it?"

William could not for the life of him bring himself to answer without stuttering.

0-0-0-0-0

**Journal of William Zachariah Klaskovsky**

I do not believe that I care much for my new 'sister'.

She is clearly either deliberately antagonistic, or utterly mad.

I am fearful that it may be both.


	3. Boom Boom Pals

0-0-0-0-0

"Oh _dear God_ this place is boring."

Eris yawned and sprawled out over the park bench upside down, her tail lolling over the back and trailing on the ground. William shifted awkwardly beside her, continuously looking back and forth down the little path in the park as a couple of chatting elderly ponies passed, the only other sign of sentient life around.

"Maybe she's just held up a little," William fiddled with his fingertips. "Scootaloo shouldn't be much longer, I think."

"Whoop de frick," the draconequus refrained from yawning again. "Is your little girlfriend always late?"

"Mifflapth!"

Of course, this was all that William could manage to sputter with Eris's fuzzy tail tip poking him playfully in the nose again. He swiped her away, glowering at her as his cheeks grew pinker.

"She is not my girlfriend, thank you," William straightened his small black tailored shirt a little tighter around himself. "And Scootaloo is generally very punctual, for your information."

"Oh?" Eris twirled around, sitting up straight and kicking her feet up on dead air. "Guess that means you're available, huh, tiny?"

"Please stop calling me that," he muttered, turning away from her hungry gaze awkwardly.

_"Wh~y?"_ she asked in a singsong voice, tickling him in the rib with one talon. "Is somebody a little self-conscious?"

"No," William pushed her paw away slowly. "Quit trying, I'm not ticklish."

"Bull~shit!" Eris giggled, her tail wriggling around behind William and tickling the opposite side of his neck as she poked his belly. "I know you've got a ticklish spot _some~whe~re…!"_

"I do not," he deadpanned, seemingly oblivious to her attempts. "I have no 'ticklish spots', thank you."

"… Uh-hrmm," the draconequus purred, drawing him in with her tail and wrapping it around his waist. "I'm sure I could find a ticklish spot… somewhere."

His face burned as the implication finally set in, her sly wink only causing the heat to rise.

"Heyya, Will!"

Eris cackled maniacally as William fell unceremoniously to the ground, desperately struggling to explain the situation in any possible way except for what it looked like. Instead, William only found himself sputtering and spouting gibberish.

"Waiting for – late – need the – tail in my – I am not ticklish!" William shouted red faced, hands clenching and unclenching rapidly as his heart raced so quickly he thought it would explode.

"… O-kay…?" the bright orange pegasus stepped off of her scooter slowly, warily watching the twitching boy and the hysterically laughing draconequus. "Sorry I'm late – had to dodge Dee Tee again today."

"Dee Tee?" Eris leaned forward, mildly interested. She did have the courtesy to offer a paw to William to help him to his feet, but he stood angrily on his own, violently dusting himself.

"Oh, it's just Diamond Tiara," Scootaloo rolled her eyes, hopping up onto the empty space beside Eris. "She's the 'sort of' Cutie Mark Crusader. Real clingy, ya know?"

"Is she 'sort of' cute?" she raised an eyebrow slowly.

"What?" the pegasus blinked. "I dunno. I guess a colt would think so, maybe. Will, is Diamond Tiara cute?"

And although William had finally found his voice, he sincerely wished that he could have a skill somewhat useful in those particular situations, such as the ability to remain silent when he really wanted to instead of when he needed to speak.

This was most definitely one of those situations.

"Oh, well, you know," William jabbered uneasily, stepping back and forth as he realized that the staring pegasus had taken his spot on the bench. "Sure, she is. I mean, well, I could see why-why somebody might think she is – Diamond Tiara, I mean, that she might be cute – not that I think that, of course, that would be ridiculous – I mean, not that I have anything against Miss Tiara, for being cute – I mean, if one could _define _cute, then-"

For some reason, Eris only struggled to contain her powerful giggling the redder and more flustered William became.

"So…" Scootaloo fiddled with her scooter, sliding off the bench. "You do think she's, uh… pretty."

"Of course not!" William blurted defensively, secretly wishing that he could dig down a few yards and bury himself from her bizarrely piercing stare. "I-I mean, I wouldn't want to dismiss her behind her back, that would be rude – I mean, not that I do it to her face – she is, but I don't think so – I-I-I…!"

Eris had to stuff her knuckles in her mouth to stifle her hysterical giggling, and she wasn't doing a very good job of it.

"Well, you guys look like you're pretty busy," Scootaloo said distractedly as she hopped onto her scooter and the familiar buzzing of her wings powered her along. "Later, Will!" she half waved at him without looking back, and sped down the path until she began to fade from view.

William simply stood twitching slightly on the spot for what felt like an eternity.

"… Huh," Eris grinned at him, sprawling back in relaxation. "So, Willy, got a thing for the munchkin, eh?"

"_Damn _it!" William pounded his forehead with his fist angrily, thumping himself between the eyes. "Stupid, stupid, stupid!"

"Hey, don't beat yourself up over it," she joked, earning her an angry glare from the boy. "You'll get the courage to ask her out, you just need a montage."

"I am not asking – _HORSEAPPLES_!" he bellowed, head whipping back around toward the last direction Scootaloo left in. "I was supposed to check if she was coming!"

"Kinky."

"I – what?" William balked. "I forgot to invite her – we have to go catch up!"

"Invite her to what?" Eris asked, turning herself upside down again for her own amusement and poking at the park bench's leg. It mysteriously began wiggling like rubber, jiggling whenever she poked it.

"Have you been paying attention at all?" he began stomping after Scootaloo, thinking ahead to where she might have gone. "The Summer Sun Celebration is tonight!"

Eris shrugged halfheartedly, and gradually pulled herself away from the now quite floppy park bench and began trudging after the furious boy.

"I don't even know what that is," she admitted, scratching a spot behind her short antler. "The big shebang going on?"

William almost stopped midstride, but plowed on ahead steadily.

"Eris," he calmed himself after a moment. "Precisely what do you know about Equestrian history?"

"Dude," Eris rubbed her temples. "Listen, I _just _moved here. As in, to this _dimension_. I don't know, and I don't really _care_."

That caused William to stop midstride.

"Dimension?" he asked, suddenly much more interested. It occurred to him that he really knew nothing about his adopted sister, aside from the fact that she looked somewhat similar to Discord.

"Eeh-yah," she rolled her eyes, and William had to pick up the pace to keep up with her strides. "Again, Dad said you were supposed to be smart. To be honest, I'm a little disappointed in your brainage, Willy."

"Brainage is not a word," William stated flatly. "And how could I have possibly known that you come from a different world altogether unless someone implicitly told me so?"

"Keep your filthy logic out of my argument!" Eris crossed her arms grumpily, hiding a half grin.

"Tell me about the place you come from," he demanded, desperate to keep from devolving into more nonsense. "What kind of place is it?"

Eris started to speak, but quickly clamped her mouth shut. She furrowed her brows deeply, folding her arms in tightly and clutching her sides, her vision narrowing in on something far ahead in the distance.

"… Bad."

"That was _painfully _vague," William said snarkily and started to continue, but held himself in check when he saw Eris shaking a pained look from her face.

"It was just _bad_," she said darkly. "That's all you need to know. Dad found me, and it's been good since-"

She paused once again, and shook her head.

"… Huh. Can't seem to… remember. What were we doing again?"

"I need to find Scootaloo," William sped up once again, determination returning. "In all likelihood, she has returned to the clubhouse, and at that point I can properly invite her to the celebrations in Canterlot."

"Where?"

"Canterlot," William repeated himself wearily. "I have never actually been there myself, as the last Summer Sun Celebration I had a 'sitter' because I was 'ill'," he spat contemptuously, making air quotes and nearly clawing the empty space before him as he walked.

"Hoo, where did _that _come from?" Eris cocked an eyebrow at his sudden burst of venomousness.

"It was just an excuse," he cleared his throat and jammed his hands in his pockets grumpily. "It was because Mother and Miss Pie didn't want me along for the party. They were gone until four in the morning!"

"Sounds tragic," Eris mumbled sarcastically. "Really."

"I'm old enough to stay up that late!" he demanded somewhat childishly. "Regardless, history shall not repeat itself."

"Because you get to go to this shindig?" she asked with utter disinterest, eyeing a pair of bluebirds singing cheerfully in a tree above them.

"No," William grinned in a manner that almost made Eris feel slightly uncomfortable. "Because they're never getting another sitter."

Eris couldn't quite bring herself to ask why.

0-0-0-0-0

By the time that they finally reached the 'headquarters' of the Cutie Mark Crusaders, William was thoroughly certain that Eris was determined to talk his ears off. It was an entirely one sided conversation, with no semblance of logic or reason – merely rambling, pointless story after story, most of which involved explosions.

He was nearly ready to jam his fingers in his ears when he spotted Scootaloo's trademark scooter sitting just beside the old treehouse, and he elatedly darted up the ramp as Eris groaned.

"Seriously, here again?" she rolled her shoulders. "If 'show Eris the sights' means 'the same frickin' thing over and over', then I think I'd rather go back to napping."

William refrained from making any snide remarks and repeated the 'secret knock' of the CMC.

Which, essentially, was just knocking three times.

"Password?" he heard Sweetie Belle's familiar voice from within.

"There _is _no password," William deadpanned, and the wooden door swung open swiftly.

"That's the password!" the unicorn greeted him cheerfully. William welcomed the cool shade, and was eventually followed by Eris.

"… Where's Scootaloo?" he asked, Apple Bloom turning away from the map she was struggling to pin to one of the walls to answer.

"Efth thethle 'thi whi eeh," she said through a mouthful of tacks, and William cringed and flinched with every word. Miraculously, she managed to spit them out without harming herself, and William allowed himself to breathe again.

"She was outside with Diamond Tiara," Sweetie explained, helping Apple Bloom with the last corner of the map of a place William had never seen, that looked as if it had all been done with cheap paint. "Did she leave?"

"I don't think so," Apple Bloom peered out the window, but William didn't hear her. He was already starting back for the door when a surprisingly pink cheeked Scootaloo shuffled in, nearly bowling him over.

"Oh, there you are!" William perked up immediately, barely registering the smirking filly behind Scootaloo. "I'm glad we caught up, the Summer Sun Celeb-"

"Hey, are you Diamond Tiara?" Eris butted in before he could finish, draping her tail over William's shoulder and pushing him a little out of the way. The filly behind Scootaloo stared long and hard at the draconequus, and frowned.

"Who's asking?" she blew a tuft of light purple and white mane from her face haughtily, and Scootaloo swiftly ducked out of the way.

"Willy's sister!" Eris stuck out a paw genially with a huge smile. "He says you're cute."

_"Eris!"_

William threw off the unexpectedly heavy draconequus, his face growing as red as Scootaloo's was. Determined not to allow Eris to repeat her stunt from before, William quickly tried to take control.

"Ignore her," William straightened his shirt. "She's quoting out of context, Eris is my apparently adopted sister, don't trust anything she says."

_"Hey!"_

"I'm only here to cordially invite Miss Scootaloo to the Summer Sun Celebration," he carried on as if he hadn't heard Eris's exclamation, turning to the pegasus. "I merely wished to ask if you would care to attend the festivities this evening in Canterlot. Transportation has already been arranged-"

"O-oh…" Scootaloo shifted somewhat guiltily, rubbing her foreleg uncomfortably. "Um… well-well, you see, I, uh…"

"Scootaloo is already going with somepony," Diamond Tiara snickered, earning a couple of level glares from Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle.

And just like that, the bottom dropped out of William's stomach. It was like he had been gut punched, turning in a startlingly painful knot that was difficult to ignore.

"Completely understandable." William nodded a single time and left without another word. The door quietly latched shut behind him, before he reopened it and asked "Wait, how are you getting to Canterlot?"

"Because she's going with me and daddy," Diamond Tiara smirked, which only caused William's gawking of confusion to melt into one of expressionless, empty stare.

"… Right, then. Leaving now."

0-0-0-0-0

The train whistle pierced the air, shrieking like a wild bird as William was once again tempted to plug his ears. The hustle and bustle of ponies milling about for entry to the long metal serpent quickly rose again as the whistling died, painted carriages along the tracks gradually being filled by passengers.

William was swiftly jostled along by Pinkie Pie, and he nearly tripped on the steps onto the train as Rainbow Dash presented tickets.

"I call a window seat!" Eris shouted, nearly clambering over William in the process of boarding the train.

Although William felt like he should have been looking forward to the festivities, he couldn't quite seem to shake off the gloomy air that hung over him. It seemed so utterly outlandish to him, that Scootaloo wouldn't be attending with him – he had everything planned out to the letter, was so sure that everything would go exactly as planned that he couldn't really comprehend it when it so obviously failed.

And it might not have, if it hadn't been for Eris.

A lowly roiling anger began bubbling up inside of him, which he was distracted from by none other than Twilight Sparkle.

"All in one carriage?" the violet mare asked him cheerfully, looking about at her friends as they chattered and settled in. "Hello, William. Anticipating the Summer Sun Celebration, I presume?"

"Positively, Miss Sparkle," William answered completely joylessly, forcing himself not to stare at her wings. It didn't matter what any of the others told him, the fact that any pony could simply attain extra body parts seemed absolutely horrifying to him.

"Oh, I'm sure that you're going to have a great time!" Twilight said chipperly as she shifted into a seat next to Spike, the small drake that served as her 'number one assistant'. "It's a shame that you missed the last one; you look to be pretty healthy this year!"

If anything, William resembled a pale spider, decked in black with a horrendously spotted blue tie that Pinkie Pie had forced him to wear. 'Healthy' was usually one of the last things anyone could think when looking at William, probably right before 'pleasant' or 'cheerful'. Twilight was distracted before long by the seemingly overexcited draconequus shimmying about the cabin, nosing her way into everyone's business. It was almost amusing, watching Twilight trying and failing to glean any information from Eris for nearly a full ten minutes before giving up on the impossible.

It was a tortuously long ride to Canterlot, William found. The train chugged along with a steady speed, powering through tunnels and further up the mountainside toward the capital city, and William silently watched trees and homes pass by without a word. It was almost peaceful, he thought vaguely to himself as he lost himself in thought. Therapeutic, in a strange way, watching the entire world go by piece by piece.

Eris plopped into the empty seat behind him, leaning forward and whispering into his ear and causing him to jump.

"What'cha thinkin' about?"

"Don't do that," William grumbled, rubbing his ear. He almost turned to Rainbow Dash, but she was fast asleep next to a drowsily content Pinkie Pie.

"Yeesh," Eris tittered. "Who stuck a bee in _your _undies?"

"Nothing." He resumed staring out the window as they passed into another tunnel, darkness overtaking the cabin once more as the sun vanished from view. "There are no bees in my underpants."

"Hmm. Mind if I check?" she responded coyly into his ear, and when the train left the tunnel, one would have guessed that William were sunburned for the redness on his face.

0-0-0-0-0

"Almost there, almost there, almost there…!" Pinkie Pie pranced back and forth excitedly, watching the stage set up in the center of the city's square where the princesses would soon kick off the celebrations.

"Christ, save if for the bedroom." Eris rolled her eyes, but went unheard by all but William and Rainbow Dash.

"And the kitchen table," Dash snickered quietly behind her hoof.

"Dude, _ew_!"

William ignored them all, sticking close to Rainbow Dash's side and watching for when the princesses would inevitably set upon the stage, which was easily twice as high as a standard pony. It bore numerous slits in the sides, each darkened vertical slot hiding something that shimmered slightly within. From what he could see of the three opulently decorated pillars on the stage, decorated with a sun, a moon, and a single star, William guessed that each one was reminiscent of each princess.

He still thought it odd that any princess would continue to literally live in a tree, but that was Twilight's prerogative. Ponies of all sorts milled about, eagerly gathering around the stage.

"Citizens of Equestria," William spotted Twilight Sparkle trotting cheerfully up to the center of the stage, her magically amplified voice covering a much larger portion of the area. "We are proud to announce the annual Summer Sun Celebration…"

William tried his best to listen to Twilight's obviously planned speech, but was continuously distracted by Eris, who drew his attention from the corner of his eye. It took him a moment to realize that she had been slowly inching away the entire time, and he blinked in surprise.

"_Psst_!" she hissed at him while the attention of the crowd was elsewhere. She beckoned him forward, whispering "Come on!"

"Where are you going?" William whispered back, and she feigned deafness by cupping a paw over one ear. William tentatively looked back to Pinkie and Dash, who were absorbed in the display where another figure was approaching the stage. She was one that William had never personally seen, a deep cobalt alicorn with a shining black tiara and elegantly waving mane that almost seemed as if stars were hiding in it. He tore his gaze away, frantically trying to usher Eris back before anything drastic occurred.

"Eris!" William hissed, slipping past a couple of disgruntled stallions to catch up to her. "Eris, come _back_! We're going to get in _trouble_!"

"Aw, come on!" the draconequus giggled as she approached a small side entrance to the stage, ducking down and slithering in before he could stop her. "Where's your sense of _adventure_?"

"I don't _have _a sense of adventure!" William retorted angrily as he trailed after her, and she stayed constantly out of his reach with her tail tip bobbing maddeningly before him like a fishing lure. He ducked beneath a couple of hanging beams that supported the stage as he anxiously tried to convince her to return. "What are you even _doing_?"

It took William nearly a full beat to realize that it _was _remarkably similar to a fishing lure, and that she had just outwitted him apparently without effort.

"Doing?" Eris grinned mischievously. "Playing with fireworks, of course!"

"There aren't any fireworks, let's get out before we get in trouble!" he shot back, the sound above them nearly drowning out his words.

Eris smiled wider, alighting a single solitary spark above one talon and revealing what were indeed a large supply of fireworks, all lined up before the slits in the stage and angled to go upwards at some point.

"… Why on _earth _isn't anyone _guarding _these?" William stared at the impressive collection in genuine shock.

"They're probably all set to go off magically," the draconequus scratched her chin, nearly setting her face on fire in the process. She quickly flicked the tiny blue flame into the air, where it hung innocently. "That way they can ensure the timing."

"That's not important," William threw a look over his shoulder nervously, almost positive that at any moment someone would reprimand him for sneaking beneath the stage. "We need to go, we need to go now!"

Eris snorted, and said "Or what? Are you chicken now?"

"What? No, these are highly explosive!" William pointed to one of the particularly large rockets, worriedly glancing back to the little blue flame. "There's probably nobody under here because someone could get hurt when these go –"

William never got to finish his sentence, as every single firework around them spontaneously went off with deafening roars. William was blinded by flaring light and couldn't hear anything except the earsplitting boom of dozens upon dozens of bulbous fireworks blasting off and exploding around him. He was thrown violently to the ground by a force from his side, and could only cover his head and instinctively curl up into a ball before the world went black.

0-0-0-0-0

"That was _awesome_!" Eris cheered jubilantly as she erupted from the rubble, William clinging in terror to her stomach.

"… I'm-I'm alive?" he released her swiftly, his shaking hands as much as the rest of his body, patting himself down as if he couldn't believe it himself. "We're alive! _I'm alive!"_

And it was then that William's overjoyed shouts of elation from merely being alive left him when he finally realized that he and Eris were the sole focus of _thousands _of ponies, all of which held them in a spotlight as gunpowder fogged the air around them.

"… We're _so dead_," Eris breathed as they were rapidly drawn from the debris by unseen hands, dropping them both rather brusquely before someone that William had only met once before, and very briefly. However, she still remained just as impressive, and seemed even more towering and significantly more terrifying this time around.

"My, my. It would appear that Discord has been entertaining some rather _exotic tastes_," Princess Celestia gave a level glare at the stunned draconequus.

0-0-0-0-0


	4. Fin

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**Author's Note:**

The end.

(This chapter has been brought to you by the Fool of April and the letter '7'.)


	5. Say We're Only Dreaming

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